When this project was introduced week one, I knew I wanted to attend Pride, because I  have never been a part of that before and am not part of that community. I have some friends  who are and have been, as well as my partner’s sister. Since June was Pride month, I thought it  would be the perfect opportunity to go and explore something out of my comfort zone. I am  completely supportive of the LGBTQIA+ community but have not really shown it by getting  involved in large events. I was raised Baptist in a small town that believed that being anything  other than straight and cisgender would send you to hell. I never really believed this as a child  because it never made sense to me, but, regardless, experiences like this were never something I  was around. I went to the St. Charles Pride Festival that was held at the Family Arena on  Saturday, June 18.  

When I arrived, I first noticed all the bright rainbow colors. Everyone had on such  different outfits, some with bright leggings or capes and some people with just jeans and a  rainbow hat. There were many tents outside the arena full of various business and activities for  people to peruse before going inside the arena for the performances. The sun was really hot that  day, so I felt some sweat on my neck and back, as well as a little nervousness. As I walked  towards the stands from my car, I saw many little bubbles being blown from a bubble machine  and even tasted them a little when one landed on my mouth. I heard some pop music playing in  the background and lots of kids and adults playing in the bubbles. There was a bouncy house  obstacle course I wish my son was with me to play with, as well as some various little toys.  There were different stands that were selling jewelry or business consultations, like chiropractic  consults, as well as lemonade and popcorn. I touched some pretty rainbow beaded necklaces and  bracelets and debated buying my son some glasses with no lens wrapped in stretchy rainbow fabric. I decided yes. I smelled sweet foods and enjoyed the positive atmosphere. Everyone  around me was talking and laughing.  

Then I decided to go inside the arena to see what performances were happening. There  were a lot of different people performing throughout the day from around 1:00pm to after  7:00pm. I was there around 2:00pm. I walked in right in the middle of Poetiq’s performance. It  was really loud and a little difficult to see from the back, but I tried to move forward a little bit.  The stage was probably a few feet high with some black fabric covering the bottom and black  curtains in the back. There were bright, large spotlights highlighting the entertainers. Poetiq had  on some red, white, and black leggings if I remember correctly and a black shirt. Her hair was  long and braided, and she instantly brought peace to the arena. Poetiq had a drummer and a  keyboardist with her while she performed. She sang some beautiful songs and also performed  some poetry. I was so in the moment listening that I did not remember to write down any lines.  

Then Sara Shay came on stage. Sara Shay is an entertainer out of St. Louis, and I know  she has done some other Pride festivals out of St. Louis. She was wearing a yellow leotard-type  outfit with some silver that flowed down on one side. She had fishnet tights and some black  boots that went to her knees. Her hair was down, and she all around looked amazing. She was  able to command the stage instantly, starting to sing along to different pop songs that made the  energy in the room upbeat and positive. There were a couple small children under ten who  walked up to the stage and got close to her, so she got close to the end of the stage and performed  to them for a moment. It was a really sweet moment. Around me, I heard people singing along  and clapping or cheering. I bumped shoulders with a couple people as they danced, and everyone  I saw looked happy to be there.

My nervousness soon dissipated the longer that I was there listening, and I did not feel so  alone. I did not go with anyone because I did not have anyone to go with that day, but I also  thought it was important to experience it by myself. I felt a little left out of place at first because  I was alone, and most people were not. But I soon realized that no one cared whether I was alone  or not because I wasn’t truly alone. I really felt a lot happier just being there around a lot of  people who were happy and not afraid to dance in public and have fun. I feel slightly superficial  saying that. I am very accepting of other people who are able to really express themselves in  public with no shame, but I really struggle to be one of those people. I love dancing but hate  dancing around others because I am so self-conscious. Watching people just have a good time  and move when the music moved them was really inspiring to me and also showed me humans  are supposed to be in community with each other like this.  

It was also obviously really nice to see people being able to be their authentic selves  individually and/or with their partners. As much change that has happened in the last few years  where the country is more tolerant of people who are not cisgendered or straight, there is still a  lot of danger and risk, especially in Missouri. Urban areas tend to be more progressive and  accepting but that is not always the case. To see many people all in one place have a safe place to  show affection to their partners or dress in whatever way they want was really emotional for me.  I felt accepted just by being there and I felt so much empowerment to express myself how I  wanted to with no judgement. I thought about how I might express myself differently if I had no  fear of shame or was surrounded more by people who had the courage to do so. I had a couple  realizations during this train of thought. First was that having all these different people, different  genders, sexual orientations, races, religions, abilities, etc, all in one place united by a common  goal of acceptance and love showed my first-hand how vital it is for people to see people who are different than one’s self in person, which then shows us it is okay to be unique and different.  I thought about an interview I had listened to a while back from Deeyah Khan who is a Muslim  woman that interviewed men in-person from white supremacist groups. She learned how easy it is to be hateful when you are not face to face with the “enemy.” We are around a variety of  people all the time, but when we are surrounded by people in a location that is united by one  common goal, it shows our humanity in a new light and the beauty in everyone (which sounds so  cliché). With all the politics that are discussed right now and the mayhem that is happening with  our government, to get out of my comfort zone and my house and experience something new and  cheerful reminded me of the hope in people. I remembered that the world can be loving and not so rigid. 

The second thought I was thinking about was how family friendly this event was and how  amazing it can be for children to experience such an event. When I was a kid, I never  experienced anything outside of our circle. Any information I learned outside of our religion and  beliefs was because of my own research. Exploring different people, events, ideas, etc does not  mean that we automatically believe everything or disregard what we currently think. It just  means we are adding to our knowledge and awareness and growing. I also think about my  friends and other classmates from high school who never “came out” in high school but did  many years later. How affirmed and accepted they would have been if they could have witnessed  events like these firsthand and meet actual people who were like them and see there are people  who are allies. I think about the TED talk I just watched for the class from SJ Miller who said,  “doesn’t everyone deserve to feel good?”  

When I was watching the performances, many of the songs were about self-love and  acceptance. Even though I am not directly a part of the community, I related significantly to the importance of taking in music and content that builds self-esteem. When we do not feel worthy,  loved, or we feel shame and disgust for ourselves either because of how we grew up, or what  others said about us, we don’t feel like we deserve to feel to feel good at all. Then we betray  ourselves too and harm ourselves just like others have harmed us. Poetiq mentioned some of this  hate in her poetry, and I feel that it is important to mention because we can’t have happiness  without the sadness. I was thinking about rainbows and how the rainbows come after the rain. I  thought that was a really beautiful picture and shows the resilience and brilliance of people no  matter how they do or don’t identify. 

All in all, I was really glad to attend Pride St. Charles and will probably continue to go in  years to come along with my son. I want him to be exposed to the beauties of the world and  experience a variety of people, places, and things. For the first time in a long time, I felt really  aware of how much I even repress myself and how just being around people celebrating love and  themselves is enough to let myself be accepted and loved. Seeing the young children experience  pride made my inner child so happy, and I was so emotional for all the people who never got to  do that as a child but not can. And my heart also cried for those who still cannot.